For my first entry I thought I’d start with something funny.

A few years ago I took out the tape measure, found my age in inches, grabbed up the tape till I hit 73, the life expectancy of the average American male. Then I folded the metal tape on my age inch of 40, and as it demonstrated that I was past the halfway point in my life I decided that a family of four was enough. So my wife and I decided I would get snipped.

My wife talks to my mother, and Mum talks to Les. Les heard that I was planning on getting snipped and that my insurance policy didn’t cover snippings, so I was going to be out of pocket for something that should really pay me. The next week I get this letter in the mail (unedited):

June 19^th, 2007 from Les Rogge at USP Beaumont

Dear Dane;

I was talking to your mom, and she told me after this cute little girl your going to give up sex!!!!!!!

But she said no.. Your going to have a V.C.. And I thought that was a very good idea, and having one done my self, I was going to give you some congratulations.. Then she told me that it costs about 700 dollars, and that was a lot of money to you.. So I thought that having one of these little things my self, which I got for free from the State of Washington. And that I was very observiant (?) I could save you some money on this decision..its a very easy little operation…in fact it should not even be called a operation. Its like body piercing..so heres your advice, straight dope..

First.. put in acopy of “Rambo” part one in the video machine. (Got to get in the mood). Then once your comfortable with a little self mutilation, we can continue. Shelly, should help with this part…she needs to find a crochet needle..and a sharp (really sharp) knife. Next you drop your pants and grab your balls and feel for a clear area, and depress the knife in throught a slit you just made.. There no blood here so relax.

Next is the simple part..Using the crochet needle insert it in your little bag & pull out the only piece of noodle you hook with the needle. Pull it out – theres no pain –(no nerve here)

Have Shelly tie a short length of dental floss around the noodle, tie it tite – you don’t want ‘any leaks’ down the road! Tie a couple good knots – I recommend a Bowlin. Then shove the noodle back in the little slit – strap on a kotex and your done!

You’ll feel like some one kicked you a few days ago!- So take one of your dads pills & smile you saved $700.

All ways at your service

Love Uncle Les

Don’t forget to turn off “Rambo”